How to actually rest & why it’s so difficult at first
Do you ever find yourself craving rest? feeling exhausted, yet sitting down and actually feeling more stressed because you’re not doing anything? Yeah, I’ve been there. Let’s talk about why this happens, what it tells us and how to get to a place where you can actually *deep breath* relax. rest. do nothing. and not feel bad about it.
I notice that people who have been stuck in go-go-go (*cough cough* sympathic dominance) for too long truly do not know what it means to rest! And actually, when they do carve out time to rest, it’s MORE stressful than just keepin up at a 10 speed when your body & mind are begging for a 2.
Let me back track a bit and tell you a little bit about my story with this topic. Most of my life I was a prime time Type A. I remember reaching milestones like graduating college (which I really busted my ass to do) and feeling like there was no excitement. My brain was already onto… what’s next? Ok cool, we climbed this mountain. Do we have time to enjoy the view? HELL NO. Time to scout out our next climb and get going!
That’s honestly how I lived my life. I always had a million little fires going at once. I’m a Manifesting Generator (shout out Human Design) and I know it’s part of me, to crave variety and I get bored very easily, so to some degree this is my nature right? I love learning new things, being busy, and am very business/entrepreneurial minded. I’ve pretty much always worked 2-3 jobs at once, been in school or traveling. I can even go back to high school and it’s the same thing! Dance Team, honor society, Leadership, having a job, etc all at once. I’m tired just thinking about all of this! haha
So yeah, pretty much my whole life I’ve been stretched thin and I’m going to be honest… I kind of enjoyed it…. I got ahead, I was an overachiever, I created a pretty successful career and it was all good and fine… until it wasn’t. I was pretty much in full depletion by the whopping age of 24. Hormones a wreck, digestion a struggle, fatigued, etc. I remember about that age simply deciding i was going to “rest more” …LOL unfortunately I actually had no clue how to do that.
deciding you’re going to magically be able to rest after running on stress hormones for a decade+ is like thinking you’re going to stop a train going 100MPH with the snap of a finger.
When we run on stress hormones like adrenaline & cortisol most of our lives, 1) our nervous systems become dysregulated which physiologically traps us in a state of fight/flight which leads to 2) Our body actually becomes addicted to these stress hormones like they would caffeine (let’s be honest, they both kinda do the same thing) so when we’re trying to transition from an life on auto-pilot to a life of intention, it can actually be stressful at first because that energy hasn’t yet learned how to turn off or slow down. It’s like you have all this energy swirling and all of a sudden nothing to do with it. Eeeeeek.
Grab a glass of water and fill it halfway with water. Use your finger or a spoon and go in circles until the water has a little funnel and is moving fast. Now move your finger the other way out of nowhere. Notice how it takes the water a minute to stop and redirect? Yeah, we’re the same way when we’re going from a 10 to a 2 on the keep-busy scale. it is not overnight and actually usually takes time.
ok, so where do I start?
First of all, accept that prioritizing more rest might actually be a bit uncomfy at first. and that’s ok. The discomfort though? it’s a visitor on the bridge to rest & needs to be faced.
Schedule Rest. This is particularly helpful if you’re task oriented and scheduled. Literally write in your schedule or in your phone a time slot allotted for rest and stick to it like you would an appointment. Doesn’t need to be hours long, 10-15 min is a great place to start.
Define what rest means to you? Your first idea might be to watch your show or even read a book, and that’s fine! Sometimes a good Netflix binge is great ( I get it) but I consider that a type of an escapsim rest, so that type taps you out of your life and into something else to get you out of your head. We also want to prioritze rest that gets us out of our head and into our body. So, things like meditation, tapping videos, breathing practices. Youtube has an abundance of free videos on all these things. Brad Yates is an incredible resource for EFT tapping and has thousands of videos on a large variety of topics.
Start slow. You do not have to overhaul your life overnight and that’s probably not realistic or sustainable. One of my favorite practices is the Car Breather. Every time you get into your car and before you get out of it, stop. Feel your body, notice that hey! I’m here where I am. It’s so easy to get on auto-pilot and be somewhere physically and another place mentally. I take 2-10 deep breaths depending on how much time I have (in the nose and out the nose.) This takes 10 seconds people! It is an incredible practice for such a tiny time investment. This is a really great place to start and just practice for a few weeks. This will begin to train your system that you can actually take a moment, get present and all will still be OK. Have kids? Let them join! Make it a thing you all do.
Recognize that the nervous system’s main priority is Safety. Our flight/flight/freeze state is biologically there to keep us safe. 100’s of years ago that may have been in response to a bear or lion but today it’s the laundry and dishes that are stacked up, the work deadlines, the fears/worries we’re carrying around that weigh us down. Our systems cannot differentiate between those mental stressors and an actual bear. Slowing down and affirming to yourself that you’re in fact safe, rest is safe, slowing down is safe are all really important reminders that our cells need to hear.
We can’t forget the basics, too! Like hydration and nourishment. Being dehydrated and under-nourished are for sure an additional stressor on the nervous system and can play a part in the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Eat well balanced meals/snacks (carb, fats + protein) every 3-4 hours to maintain blood sugar & add in a high quality electrolyte mix like Redmond’s Re-lyte or LMNT.
I hope this helps give you a starting place if you resonate with what I’m talking about here! I think simply recognizing you may have trouble resting and understanding what’s going on within that discomfort is a turning point all on its own. Once we have that awareness we can begin to work with it - not against it - and make changes in our lives. The world needs more softness, fluidity, space and peace.